30
Aug
Cheater – The Fastest Mammal on Two Legs
-
By
Ben Trovato
Never mind Julian Assange and Wikileaks. Forget Alan Turing cracking Nazi Germany's Enigma code. The hacking of dating site Ashley Madison has done the most damage. If you go outside and listen carefu...
23
Aug
Advance Australia Unfair
-
By
After flying halfway around the world I arrived in Joburg hung over, hysterical with sleep deprivation and barely able to walk upright on my mangled economy class legs. It was freezing cold and I was ...
15
Aug
Here’s to the Loerie Awards
-
By
I’d like to buy the world a gram and garnish it with thrills, Grow dagga trees and jail keys, and snow white Mandrax pills.
Word on the street is that the advertising industry subsists on a diet of p...
30
Jul
Going loco
-
By
I don't believe the government has spent R600-million on thirteen new locomotives that are too high. If anything, the journalist who wrote this story was too high. Before placing the order, somebody m...
05
Jul
Stayin’ Alive – South Africa’s new disco anthem
-
By
The Americans sent men to the moon in 1969 but we can't work out how to put our traffic lights on a separate circuit.
And now, on top of the electricity shedding, there's water shedding.
Stop compla...
30
Jun
Trust me, I’m a financial advisor
-
By
I have always paid scant attention to that section of any newspaper devoted to matters concerning money. Then, last week, instead of rolling a broadsheet-sized joint from the front page of Personal Fi...
28
Jun
An open letter to ANC Secretary General Comrade Gwede Mantashe
-
By
Dear Comrade Gwede,
Well done on giving our courts a swift kick in the nuts. That'll teach them to have what you call a negative attitude towards the government. It's almost as if they believe the my...
06
Jun
A letter to Big Jake
-
By
Dear Comrade Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma the First, by the Grace of God President of the Republic of South Africa, Head of the Household, Defender of the Faith, Pastor of the Flock, Defeater of the Mbek...
25
May
Jose Cuervo for the Flaming Eyeball
-
By
There is so much barbarity and horror in the news these days that when a feel-good story from another country pops up, it gives one sufficient cause to break out the amyl nitrate and dancing girls. It...
19
May
Rotten to the core
-
By
Swirling Eddie came to see me last night. I've known him since I was a child but I rarely encourage his visits because his moral compass is horribly out of whack and I don't need any help when it come...
03
May
An open letter to Wits University’s SRC president Mcebo Dlamini
-
By
Dear Oberstgruppenfuhrer Dlamini,
Du bist ein ganz besonderer Mensch. Perhaps, for now, we should converse in the language of those swine who would stab the Fatherland in the back quicker than you ca...
27
Apr
Long shlep to Freedom Day
-
By
All year I had been looking forward to Freedom Day. Last night, I called Ted. “You do know what day it is tomorrow, don't you?” There was a long pause and a great shuffling of papers.
“Monday?”
I si...