A Homicidal High
There is so much going on in this wonderful country of ours that I scarcely know where to begin.
Perhaps I could start with the murders. There are so many that, when you sit down with the newspapers,...
An open letter to the matric class of 2013
Dear adultlings,
Congratulations on making it to the end of the beginning. Twelve years of being bullied, belittled and, in several thousand cases, banged up. A South African education prepares you f...
Bring on the tokoloshe
Limpopo is one of those provinces where people believe that sleeping with a vulture’s head in your bed can make you see into the future. You can pick up a head for around R600 from your local muti mer...
Maritzburg Mayhem
Pietermaritzburg, that burnished pearl of the midlands, introduced parking meters in the city last year. The idea was to free up bays occupied by motorists who ended up in the local mental asylum afte...
Bring on the superheroes
With a general election only months away, the African National Congress is once again beginning the astonishing process of metamorphosing from a slumber party into a superparty.
Sound the trumpets f...
Twisted Koeksister
The loss of life today has been quite spectacular, even by our standards. Thousands of pigs, sheep, goats, cows and chickens fought among themselves for the honour of being the first to lay down their...
Mythbusting time
We are becoming a nation of buskers and beguilers adrift on a boat made of bullshit.Politicians look us in our faces and neither blink nor blush when they tell the most egregious of lies. Experts will...
Crush and snort the horn fiends
Happy World Rhino Day.I don't know what's in worse shape – the world or the rhino. There was a time when I wanted to save the world. As a child I'd see a shooting star, or the chicken's wishbone would...
Single Serving
One of the benefits of living on your own is that nobody is trying to force-feed you home-cooked meals every night. Sure, we don’t live as long as married men do, but that’s a good thing, right? Look ...
Newspapers are only good for covering up the cracks
President Jacob Zuma says the South African media are so negative that at times he feels like leaving the country. Imagine emigrating to Perth to get away from the darkies and waking up one morning to...
Stumbleweeding Through Life
I hope there is some kind of predetermined plan here, and that it isn't all just loosely held together by a series of random events, because I cannot figure out why, exactly, I am writing this in a no...
Gang banging at Home Affairs
I can’t get out of Cape Town because I am wrapped in an electric blanket which is plugged into a 30m extension cord. It’s the only way I can leave the bed and get to the beer in the fridge without hyp...