Kruger Park To Become Las Vegas of South Africa
The Kruger National Park will soon be adding hotel accommodation to its list of attractions. SANParks says the hotels will bring more people to the park and increase revenue to pay for biodiversity pr...
A flashback to January 20, 2009
My house looks like the goddamn American embassy. Okay, so I might not have the triple-locking steel doors, bombproof windows, surveillance cameras, evacuation plan, leery staff and heavily patrolled ...
The Final Countdown to Total Onslaught
Here's a piece I wrote in 2013. Of portents, premonitions and preppers.
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I was out the other evening and happened to ask a passing waiter to bring me a fresh beer. He ...
Noddy sought on Golly abuse charges
To celebrate Noddy’s 60th birthday, Enid Blyton’s granddaughter has added a new book to the series – the first in 46 years. But Sophie Smallwood has cut the black golliwogs out of the story, saying th...
An Open Letter To Nelson Mandela
Dear Madiba,
You probably won’t get this because the mail doesn’t always get through to the intensive care unit at the Pretoria Medi-Clinic Heart Hospital, but I thought I’d write to you anyway.
I h...
An open letter to Candith Mashedo-Dlamini – Mpumalanga MEC for Health
Dear Candith,
I can’t help thinking I have developed a lisp every time I say your name, which, admittedly, isn’t often enough for me to worry about a speech defect. But this is not why I am writing t...
An Open Letter To Senzeni Zokwana – President of the National Union of Mineworkers
Dear Comrade,
I hear you are demanding pay rises of around 60% from gold and coal producers. This is ridiculous. What on earth are you thinking? You need to demand increases of at least 150%. This is...
An Open Letter To The African Union
Dear AU,
Congratulation on turning 50! You’ve come a long way without actually going anywhere.
You’ve gone through quite a few changes, too. I remember when you were the Organisation of African Unit...
An Open Letter To Atul Gupta
Dear Atul,
May I call you Atul? You have been in the news so frequently that you feel like an old friend. A friend who once banged my wife, but a friend, nevertheless.
I have so many questions for y...
An Open Letter to President Jacob Zuma
Dear #1,
Do you mind if I call you Number One? It has the ring of victory to it. Oh sure, it also has ablutionary connotations, but you won’t find anyone in my circle of friends saying things like, “...
A Bitter Pill To Swallow
I may be wrong, but on the list of requirements for a better world, I would imagine that longer-lasting erections would be placed fairly low down. Somewhere between self-replacing toilet rolls and bar...
Good Health Can Kill You
As a child I was told that an apple a day would keep the doctor away. Now, low salaries and poor working conditions keep the doctor away. Far away. As in Perth. Or toyi-toying in the parking lot outsi...