An Open Letter to President Jacob Zuma
Dear Msholozi,
I hear wife #3 is demanding that SA Airlink cough up half a million rand in compensation for jewellery that was allegedly stolen out of her bag while flying from Nelspruit to Johannesb...
Airplanes, Wedding Trains and the CAR
“If you love me, you will obey my commandments – John 14:15.”
And so it is with Trovato 07:45. Or, if I oversleep, 10:30. President Jacob Zuma is also big on this parable or homily or whatever the he...
The Chicken Who Cried Fowl
I had a birthday this week. Many of you failed to wish me well. Fine. Don’t expect me to be there for you when days are dark and friends are few.
Out here on the North Coast, in the 4399, the days ar...
A Conspiracy of Dunces
So I take the Land Rover for a service. It’s what motorists do, apparently. Sometimes I need reminding. Often it’s the vehicle that reminds me. This time, though, the car wasn’t complaining at all. It...
Dazed & Confused
Social media is giving me a headache. Literally.
After Brenda went mad and abandoned me last year, a loyal fan of my “work” tracked me down and insisted on comforting me in my time of need.
She comf...
Why Mickey Mouse Would Make A Better President Than Jacob Zuma
Mickey is black but he has a white face. This means he stands a good chance of being accepted across the racial spectrum.
Mickey is keenly aware of the importance of personal hygiene. For a start, yo...
An Open Letter To President Jacob Zuma
Dear Comrade Leader,
Last week I wrote to General Solly Shoke congratulating him on the army’s bold attempt to capture the Central African Republic as part of an ambitious plan to conquer Europe. I m...
An Open Letter to SA National Defence Force Chief, General Solly Shoke
Dear General,
I got quite a shock when I saw you on telly the other evening. I thought Magnus Malan still had the job.
Like many white people, I stopped taking an interest in current affairs in 1994...
Watching The Defectives
The ANC has once again dipped its grubby little paws into a Checkers bag full of recycled careerists and come up with an interim board for the SABC.
“Comrades, we’re offering you this chalice.”
“Wha...
Earth Hour Se Ma Se Poes
Earth Hour last night was a raging success and it doesn’t matter that the surge caused by everyone switching their lights back on at the same time forced power stations to crank up their output levels...
An Open Letter to the Independent Communications Authority of South Africa
Dear Sir or Madam,
Forgive me for I know not whether you are a sir or a madam. For all I know, you are both. If you are indeed a hermaphrodite or even a transsexual who dreams of one day undergoing g...
Here’s To Alcohol: The cause of – and solution to – all of life’s problems
Instead of trying to find a cure for Aids, medical researchers should rather concentrate on finding a cure for hangovers.
Sure, most hangovers won’t kill you, but more of us suffer from them. And whe...