Cyril Ramaphosa’s January 8 statement leaked
Comrades and compatriots,
People of South Africa,
We gather here today in Mangaung, the cradle of our birth, inspired by … hold on, this is last year's speech. Nobody wrote me a new one? It doesn't ...
2024 – A peachy, fuzzy kind of year
Oh, man. This is not going well. I can't wait for 2025. Now, that's going to be a cracker of a year.
Perhaps I should take a closer look at this one before writing it off completely.
The United Nati...
What surfers want for Xmas
Surfers love Christmas because they get presents and if there's one thing surfers love more than surfing, it's getting free stuff. But if you're thinking of giving us something that isn't ...
Shady Jake, the one-eyed trouser snake
I thought I was hallucinating when I heard Jacob Zuma's uniquely soporific drone on the telly, bumbling along at his usual three words a minute and setting off polygraph machines across the country.
...
Politicians playing presidential Tinder
Party leaders have begun shyly trying on their sexiest outfits and practising their best pick-up lines as they prepare to woo us. If they hope to become the president of South Africa next year, they'r...
Moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake
I don't know where I live. No, I'm not wandering around unfamiliar neighbourhoods stopping people in the street and asking if they know who I am and where my house is. It must be said, however, that I...
Dear Comrade Premier Panyaza Lesufi…
Congratulations on having the courage to embark on your long unofficial journey to the presidency. People say you're a populist as if that's a bad thing. Who doesn't want to be popular? I have been un...
A Survival Guide to Black Friday
It’s that time of year when we all turn into gibbering idiots and so-called experts take it upon themselves to advise us on the blindingly obvious.
Militia madness and other tales of mayhem
In South Africa, you needn't be an extremist nutjob to be anti-government. In fact, given the ANC's track record, it would be almost unpatriotic to give them your unquestioning support. But, like most...
Of Stalingrad, Gaza and Floyd the Fluffer
I was wondering on Monday, my thinking day, why don't we have cheaper petrol since Big Oil is making record profits? Raking in millions of dollars in the time it took me to write that sentence. Then I...
Enjoy Durbs not-by-the-sea
The ANC in KwaZulu-Natal says Jacob Zuma will lead its campaign ahead of next year's general election. What a good idea. Durban is like one of those burned-out racehorses who break a leg and have to b...
Mad Thabo: Beyond Blunderdome
So the Bluff's very own Imperator Furiosa could face charges for chasing after a bag-snatcher and mowing him down with her Tazz. That it was a woman from the Bluff doesn't surprise me. Rough area, rou...