Money for nothing, Covid for free
Aside from dying, another unpleasant side effect of this contemptible virus is that everything comes with a form that needs filling in. For instance, if you have lost your job and hope to get money fr...
Scaring the nation with their guns & ammunition
I was surprised to hear that police in America kill roughly a thousand people a year. Not very impressive for a country that size. Here, our police get through that many in a month. Okay, I'm exaggera...
June goes well with alcohol
I cannot bring myself to write another column about the only thing people are writing columns about. How much more can be said about a virus, a lockdown or a government that ... I can't. I just can't....
Surfers waive the rules
In these outlandish times, the measure of all things needs to be constantly recalibrated if we hope to stand a chance of emerging relatively healthy and sane. So I don't know if what is happening is a...
Of pork pies and piglets
Bit tricksy, this lifting of the locky-locky.
We don't know how it's going to work, but then again, I'm pretty sure they don't either. In South Africa, the word 'they' is a bullet that's been fired...
Truth, lies and exercise
I hear lots of crazy stuff all day long and it's not always just in my head either. For instance, I heard that the reason the government is keeping its Covid-19 modelling data from the public is becau...
Dear Cyril …
Dear Comrade President Ramaphosa, Defender of the Lockdown, Punisher of the Pandemic, Destroyer of the Economy, Nemesis of Smokers and Drinkers.
May I call you Cyril? I don't mean to be overfamilia...
And that’s the end of Cosmo
Associated Media Publishing, the flagship of the Raphaely empire, is closing shop after 38 years. No more Cosmopolitan. No more House & Leisure. No more Good Housekeeping.
In tribute to Cosmo, he...
Coronavirus: Snitches get stitches
There seems little point in getting out of bed before 11am when you don't have rabid children leaping on you or a wife standing in the doorway with one feral eyebrow raised, asking if you plan on lyin...
Publisher goes mad – brings out book
Less than two weeks ago, my batshit crazy publisher Melinda Ferguson got the demented idea of bringing out an eBook called Lockdown – The Corona Chronicles, featuring seventeen South African writers. ...
It’s not a proper pandemic unless there are zombies
Lockdown is a prison term. It's when there is trouble afoot and convicts are restricted to their cells. There's trouble alright, but not from us inmates. No, sir, Mr Ramaphosa. We're good, obedient ci...
Coronavirus – No Laughing Matter
There is a giant killer asteroid heading our way. The bad news is that it's going to miss us by six million kilometres. We desperately need something to put this coronavirus fiasco into perspective, a...