Happier than a condemned kangaroo
I watched a video on Twitter from someone called Oleksandra Matviichuk. He was sitting behind the wheel of a van and looked like a rally driver – peak cap, teardrop sunglasses, overalls. Turning to th...
Happy Halloween, you filthy pagans
It's Halloween tonight and I, for one, cannot wait to put on my succubus suit and go creeping around the neighbourhood late at night banging on doors, shouting: “Trick or treat!” The real sport starts...
No safe harbour for Gigaba – a flashback
Here's a letter I wrote to the man of the moment two-and-a-half years ago after Ajay Gupta gave him the home affairs ministry.
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Dear Comrade Malusi Gigaba...
A darkies’ guide to whiteys
White South Africans, much like white sharks, are one of the most misunderstood animals on the planet. They have a reputation for unpredictable behaviour and non-Caucasians are often afraid to venture...
No more pura vida
My holiday in Costa Rica is over and I am on my way home. Three months have flown by in the blink of a fish on a bicycle. Since the concept of time has become meaningless, feel free to make up your ow...
Let the vax speak for themselves
The global scramble for Covid vaccines is becoming a little undignified. Show some class, people. Let's try to keep this fight clean.
Right now, vaccines are all anyone seems to care about. Well, t...
A guide to surviving New Year’s Eve
Here's something I wrote in happier times, when we were still allowed to drink and go out at night.
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I have felt uncomfortable about making a huge thing out of December 3...
The unbridled joys of Transport Month
Since 2005, South Africa annually observes October as Transport Month.
Let's take a look at the themes.
2005: 'Celebrating 20 years of delivering efficient, reliable and safe transport services’...
5 ways to get the perfect pandemic body
Lockdown has gnawed away at my fitness levels and I need to remedy this in case we become a proper police state. I don't want to have Cele's boys after me and find myself having to stop every couple o...
Bored in the RSA
I am starting to get the feeling this government might not think we're all that bright. I can understand where it comes from, I suppose, this notion that South Africans are morons. I can almost hear t...
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of Scotch, say the pie rats
Hello. My name is Ben, and I am an addict.
Ever since the government unbanned the sale and possession of hot pies, I have been roaming the streets looking to score. I can't get enough of them. No s...
Hey babe, take a walk on the solo side
I was standing outside my house last week wondering if I should go for a stroll or scratch the day and go back to bed. It was about midday. Just then a car drove slowly past. The driver saw me and sta...