Trust me, I’m a financial advisor
I have always paid scant attention to that section of any newspaper devoted to matters concerning money. Then, last week, instead of rolling a broadsheet-sized joint from the front page of Personal Fi...
Privates on parade
Ted called me on Saturday and said there was a parade in town. He suggested we get on it right away. As former military men, Ted and I always have enormous fun at parades.
During the war, Ted was a s...
An open letter to ANC Secretary General Comrade Gwede Mantashe
Dear Comrade Gwede,
Well done on giving our courts a swift kick in the nuts. That'll teach them to have what you call a negative attitude towards the government. It's almost as if they believe the my...
Racketeering is not an Olympic sport
Paradiso. That's where Fifa's top dogs thought they were living. Paradiso is, of course, an anagram of diaspora. Coincidence? I think not. And if you still need evidence of a conspiracy, just consider...
A letter to Big Jake
Dear Comrade Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma the First, by the Grace of God President of the Republic of South Africa, Head of the Household, Defender of the Faith, Pastor of the Flock, Defeater of the Mbek...
Hot and cold dogs at the Chinese takeaway
Yep, it's that time of year again. Here's a piece I wrote a few years ago. Nothing has changed.
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Oh, to be in the ancient Chinese prefecture-level city of Yulin right n...
Jose Cuervo for the Flaming Eyeball
There is so much barbarity and horror in the news these days that when a feel-good story from another country pops up, it gives one sufficient cause to break out the amyl nitrate and dancing girls. It...
Rotten to the core
Swirling Eddie came to see me last night. I've known him since I was a child but I rarely encourage his visits because his moral compass is horribly out of whack and I don't need any help when it come...
An open letter to Wits University’s SRC president Mcebo Dlamini
Dear Oberstgruppenfuhrer Dlamini,
Du bist ein ganz besonderer Mensch. Perhaps, for now, we should converse in the language of those swine who would stab the Fatherland in the back quicker than you ca...
The working class can kiss my arse
The month of May will not be merry. There will be more power cuts, higher interest rates, spiralling corruption, fewer jobs and at least one of God's more spectacular acts that leave thousands dead.
...
Long shlep to Freedom Day
All year I had been looking forward to Freedom Day. Last night, I called Ted. “You do know what day it is tomorrow, don't you?” There was a long pause and a great shuffling of papers.
“Monday?”
I si...
Xenophobia? I blame Facebook
The warnings started appearing on Facebook on Tuesday. It might have been Monday. When you do what I do for a living, the only difference between days is the spelling.
One woman posted on her wall, "...