Unprotected and exposed
The lights were turned down low. I was nervous. This was my first time. He smiled when I walked in. Gently took my hand in his. I recoiled as he began stroking my arms. "Just relax," he murmured, runn...
An open letter to Steve Hofmeyr
Howzit boet,
It's good to see you and Sunette Bridges getting involved in this statue business. The revolution needs white people who can sing. It will keep our morale up while we form a laager with ...
History? Not for me, thanks
When the hysteria surrounding the Cecil John Rhodes statue at UCT first came to my attention, I was outraged. I rampaged up and down my house for hours. "How dare they," I shouted at the cat. "How dar...
When Good Friday Turns Bad
In keeping with the spirit of Easter, here's something I wrote a few years ago.
I was making an emergency house call on the Consort when I stumbled across a rapidly forming mob at the old har...
Real men read Cosmo
I was having my car washed at a garage the other day and went into the shop to find something to read because I'd sooner rub bits of jellyfish into my eyeballs than watch three underpaid workers seeth...
No nudes is good nudes
Dear Reverend Mike Effanga,
I wish to applaud you on behalf of all right-wing, I beg your pardon, right-thinking South Africans for your efforts to stop those backsliding nudist barbarians from getti...
Jesus was a rabbit
Over the last few weeks the shops have been filling up with lurid gold and silver bunnies of all shapes and sizes. If I didn’t know any better, and I frequently don’t, I might be forgiven for thinking...
Happy St Patrick’s Day
Why is it that the Irish have all the fun? To be sure, there was that nasty business with the potatoes in 1845, but if it weren’t for the Great Hunger, Boston and New York wouldn’t be the same today.
...
An open letter to Michaela ‘Sexy Hunter’ Fialova
Dear Michaela,
When I first saw your picture I mistook you for just another of those very attractive, deeply sensitive women in their twenties who go around not killing things for fun. We don't need ...
Retire when the wheels come off
I came across a headline in one or other financial supplement the other day.
"Do you dream of a happy retirement?"
I sprang from my bed, naked, and ran onto the balcony.
"Yes! Yes!" I shouted, rais...