If you can’t join them, beat them
"The Constitutional Court on Wednesday upheld an earlier ruling by the High Court to do away with the common-law defence of reasonable chastisement when spanking a child." In other words, parents no l...
Malema declares war on media
News that Julius Malema had banned certain media from attending EFF events reminded me of a letter I wrote to him a few months ago. I'm still waiting for a reply.
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Dear Comrade ...
Application to al-Qaeda for the position of Leader
Today marks 18 years since the September 11 attacks on the World Trade Centre in New York. In 2011, Osama bin Laden was tracked down to his hideout in Pakistan and killed. I applied for the post short...
The Odessa File
So there's been yet another mass shooting in America. Seven dead, twenty-one injured. This time it happened in Odessa, Texas. The name of the town rang a bell. Then I remembered. A hunter by the name ...
Health, Wealth and Other Cardiac Events
I received a very polite email this week. "Dear Ben," it said. Right away I was suspicious. The last mail which started off that way was from my wife. This was followed by five months of celibacy, a t...
A requiem for Gavin Watson
The news that one of South Africa's best loved white-collar criminals has died in a car crash reminded me of a letter I wrote to him and his brothers earlier this year.
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Dear Gavi...
The time I was a food critic
Trawling through the malarkey I've churned out over the last couple of decades, I came across the first restaurant review I did for the Sunday Times. That was eleven years ago. Nobody has asked me for...
What would Jesus say?
There's an Anglican church near me that often advertises upcoming events – cage fighting, mud wrestling, Russian roulette and so on. This week there's a banner promising an upcoming series of sermons ...
Neigh, my bru
I have never seen the point of horses. They are little more than tall dogs with inappropriately long faces. But if you dare mention it in front of them, they will not hesitate to bite your arm off and...
Whale Meat Again
Japan this week began killing whales for money for the first time in 31 years. The commercial hunt is different to the whaling they usually do for "research purposes". The fisheries ministry has set a...
Happy Drug Awareness Week!
Did you know that more than 60% of all crimes in South Africa are committed by people under the influence of drugs or alcohol? This leaves a staggering 40% who are doing unspeakable things without eve...
Nursery crimes and other filth
No matter how much I drink, I am unable to find any humour in President Ramaphosa's State of the Nation Address. The problem is, nothing else strikes me as being particularly funny right now, either. ...