I’m back …
Here we go again. The Citizen newspaper has kindly and courageously offered me a home for my column. My first tabloid! This is tremendously exciting.
Cut & Run appears for the first time today ...
Warning: This post contains nuts
Dear Principal of Herzlia Middle School in Cape Town,
Forgive me if I have your title wrong. I imagine you are called something far more illustrious than Principal. The Ku Klux Klan, for instance, ...
No safe harbour for Gigaba
Dear Comrade Malusi Gigaba, Honourable Upstanding Member, Minister of Affairs, Fighter of Tourism, Epitome of Sartorial Elegance.
Congratulations on your spectacular cinematic debut, even though it...
Every night is fright night
It is Halloween on Wednesday and I, for one, cannot wait to put on my succubus suit and go creeping around the neighbourhood late at night banging on doors, shouting: “Trick or treat!”
The real spo...
A plague on the House of Sword
As the world now knows, journalist Jamal Kashoggi was tortured, murdered and dismembered inside the Saudi Arabian Consulate in Istanbul earlier this month. He was there to obtain a marriage license. I...
Application for the position of IT Chief Officer: SA Revenue Service
Dear Sir/Madam,
I greet you as Sir/Madam because I do no know if you are a Sir or a Madam or even a Sir as well as a Madam, like Caitlyn Jenner. I am simply covering all bases, as you would expect ...
Scam the Scammers
From: Hyundai Cars Company <info@hyundai.net>
To: bentrovato@mweb.com
Subject: You have won the Hyundai Company Award Funds
This is to inform you that you have been awarded 850,000.00 P...
More works of a staggering genius now available
I have been inundated with requests – mostly from Mrs V Stopforth of Glenashley – to make more of my books available to agoraphobics, prisoners, quadriplegics and anyone else who has difficulty gettin...
No wonder Jesus hated bankers
I just got a call from Nebraska from a woman who works for PayPal. She had heard I was having trouble linking my bank account and wanted to help. You'd think it would be easy linking a PayPal account ...
Bill Gates heading for Skid Row
I wrote to Bill Gates three or four years ago after he was bumped into second place on the World's Richest People list. I predicted trouble back then, so it came as no surprise to hear that he and Mel...
An Open Letter to US Supreme Court Nominee Brett ‘Handsy’ Kavanaugh
Dear Brett,
Congratulations on giving those uppity Democrats a damn good tongue-lashing at the Nuremberg trials. The only difference between then and now is that the Nazis were guilty. Well, not al...
Pay Me, Pal
Did I mention that nearly a million people from 186 countries have read my columns in the last six or seven years?
Many of them have been begging for an opportunity to contribute to my fun-raising ...