Licence of the lambs
I had a friend stay with me for a few days last week. I hadn't seen him in years. He hasn't aged much and weighs the same as he did when he was 21. I told him he probably had that weird disease where ...
Lunchtime O’lympics
It is Day 10 of this sickening display of narcissism and there is still a week to go. I don't know how much longer I can endure lying on the couch shouting, “Run, you lazy bastard!” and “Lift those we...
Sex ‘n drugs ‘n frock ‘n roll
I am a feminist at heart and wouldn't claim to be anything else, so I called Ted and said we ought to celebrate our inner women by pretending to be women, which is what I expect women would want men t...
Women’s Month – Next year will be better
I was trying to figure out why the people who bring out this particular magazine had specifically chosen the August edition to pay tribute to women. Then I remembered. Both the publisher and the edito...
Paddling in the shallow end of the gene pool
Our very own doe-eyed Merman, Chad le Clos, goes up against his arch-rival Michael Phelps in the Rio Olympics today. Here's something I wrote about the Baltimore Bullet a few years ago.
THAT ...
A whitey’s guide for darkies
White South Africans, much like white sharks, are one of the most misunderstood animals on the planet. They have a reputation for unpredictable behaviour and non-Caucasians are often afraid to venture...
Getting the fox to guard the hen house
The Trump campaign has pledged to nominate a hunter to lead the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, aggressively fight lawsuits by anti-hunting groups and control predators like wolves.
Guess who is top ...
It’s all been a terrible mistake
Ah, yes. It's all coming back to me now. Here's one I wrote to Schabir in April 2016.
................
Dear Schabir Shaik,
It's a damn shame that you didn't get Judge Willie Seriti in your tr...
When Good Friday turned bad
I was making an emergency house call on the bad yellow-eyed woman when I stumbled across a rapidly forming mob at the old harbour in Hermanus. Sensing a fight in the making, I pushed my way to the fro...
A vicious cycle
I never intended to enter the Cape Argus Cycle Tour, but by Friday I was so sick and tired of these people taking over our restaurants and filling our brothels that I decided to teach them a lesson.
...
The Christmas spirit
Today, 177 years ago, the Voortrekkers defeated the Zulus at the Battle of Blood River.
And in 177 minutes from now, the Boers and the Zulus will join forces to defeat me at the Battle of Gateway Sho...