ANC Archives - BEN TROVATO

12 Jan

Cyril Ramaphosa’s January 8 statement leaked

January 12, 2024
By Ben Trovato
0 comments

Comrades and compatriots, People of South Africa, We gather here today in Mangaung, the cradle of our birth, inspired by … hold on, this is last year's speech. Nobody wrote me a new one? It doesn't ...

21 Dec

Cut&Run

Shady Jake, the one-eyed trouser snake

December 21, 2023
By Ben Trovato
4 comments

I thought I was hallucinating when I heard Jacob Zuma's uniquely soporific drone on the telly, bumbling along at his usual three words a minute and setting off polygraph machines across the country. ...

08 Dec

Cut&Run

Politicians playing presidential Tinder

December 8, 2023
By Ben Trovato
8 comments

Party leaders have begun shyly trying on their sexiest outfits and practising their best pick-up lines as they prepare to woo us. If they hope to become the president of South Africa next year, they'r...

25 Nov

Cut&Run

Dear Comrade Premier Panyaza Lesufi…

November 25, 2023
By Ben Trovato
3 comments

Congratulations on having the courage to embark on your long unofficial journey to the presidency. People say you're a populist as if that's a bad thing. Who doesn't want to be popular? I have been un...

27 Oct

Cut&Run

Enjoy Durbs not-by-the-sea

October 27, 2023
By Ben Trovato
7 comments

The ANC in KwaZulu-Natal says Jacob Zuma will lead its campaign ahead of next year's general election. What a good idea. Durban is like one of those burned-out racehorses who break a leg and have to b...

01 Sep

Uncategorized

The Secret Diary of Carl Niehaus (aged 63¼)

September 1, 2023
By Ben Trovato
9 comments

December 25, 2022 Happy birthday, Jesus! But more importantly, happy birthday, me! Today I am … wait, let me go fetch my calculator. Born in 1959 and today is 2022 so that makes me, um, 3981 years ol...

25 May

Cut&Run

Don’t underestimate the power of illiteracy

May 25, 2023
By Ben Trovato
16 comments

I was shocked to discover that 19% of our Grade 4s are able to read. Who are these little suck-ups? These goody-goody nerds think they're better than the 81% who can't make head or tail of the most ba...

19 May

Cut&Run

ANC runs Durban – into the ground

May 19, 2023
By Ben Trovato
7 comments

“Since 1994 the ANC has created close to eight million new jobs.” Who said this? A pathological liar. A man recently emerged from a long coma. Cyril Ramaphosa. All of the above. Some ...

16 Mar

Cut&Run

Judges and journos are guarding the gates

March 16, 2023
By Ben Trovato
9 comments

In some countries, the police are referred to as the “thin blue line” between civilisation and anarchy. Obviously, that doesn't apply in South Africa. For a start, given the massive girth and low IQ o...

02 Mar

Cut&Run

Application for the post of Eskom CEO

March 2, 2023
By Ben Trovato
23 comments

Dear ANC Cadre Deployment Committee, I can understand you might be reluctant to hire another white man, but let me assure you, I am no André de Ruyter. For a start, I am not as good-looking as he is....

16 Feb

Cut&Run

Dear Julius Malema, Supreme Commander of the Economic Freedom Fighters…

February 16, 2023
By Ben Trovato
5 comments

Congratulations on your magnificent performance in the Cape Town City Hall last week. You and your fighters looked good in your well-pressed designer overalls. Unlike the DA, who came dressed as if th...

27 Oct

Cut&Run

Zuma – more cunning than linguist

November 1, 2022
By Ben Trovato
17 comments

On Saturday I made the terrible mistake of switching to the live stream of Jacob Zuma's so-called “address to the nation”, as touted by his obsequious handlanger, Jimmy Manyi.

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