20
Mar
Durban’s Mitchell Park – RIP
-
By
Ben Trovato
I remember going to Durban's Mitchell Park as a kid. It was fantastic. Huge trees, rolling lawns, exotic birds and animals in enclosures – even an elephant and a crocodile that never seemed to move– a...
11
Jan
ANC’s January 8 statement leaked
-
By
Comrades and compatriots,
People of South Africa,
We gather here today in Mangaung, the cradle of our birth, inspired by … hold on, this is last year’s speech. Nobody wrote me a new one? It doesn’t ...
12
Jan
Cyril Ramaphosa’s January 8 statement leaked
-
By
Comrades and compatriots,
People of South Africa,
We gather here today in Mangaung, the cradle of our birth, inspired by … hold on, this is last year's speech. Nobody wrote me a new one? It doesn't ...
21
Dec
Shady Jake, the one-eyed trouser snake
-
By
I thought I was hallucinating when I heard Jacob Zuma's uniquely soporific drone on the telly, bumbling along at his usual three words a minute and setting off polygraph machines across the country.
...
08
Dec
Politicians playing presidential Tinder
-
By
Party leaders have begun shyly trying on their sexiest outfits and practising their best pick-up lines as they prepare to woo us. If they hope to become the president of South Africa next year, they'r...
25
Nov
Dear Comrade Premier Panyaza Lesufi…
-
By
Congratulations on having the courage to embark on your long unofficial journey to the presidency. People say you're a populist as if that's a bad thing. Who doesn't want to be popular? I have been un...
27
Oct
Enjoy Durbs not-by-the-sea
-
By
The ANC in KwaZulu-Natal says Jacob Zuma will lead its campaign ahead of next year's general election. What a good idea. Durban is like one of those burned-out racehorses who break a leg and have to b...
01
Sep
The Secret Diary of Carl Niehaus (aged 63¼)
-
By
December 25, 2022
Happy birthday, Jesus! But more importantly, happy birthday, me! Today I am … wait, let me go fetch my calculator. Born in 1959 and today is 2022 so that makes me, um, 3981 years ol...
25
May
Don’t underestimate the power of illiteracy
-
By
I was shocked to discover that 19% of our Grade 4s are able to read. Who are these little suck-ups? These goody-goody nerds think they're better than the 81% who can't make head or tail of the most ba...
19
May
ANC runs Durban – into the ground
-
By
“Since 1994 the ANC has created close to eight million new jobs.” Who said this?
A pathological liar.
A man recently emerged from a long coma.
Cyril Ramaphosa.
All of the above.
Some ...
16
Mar
Judges and journos are guarding the gates
-
By
In some countries, the police are referred to as the “thin blue line” between civilisation and anarchy. Obviously, that doesn't apply in South Africa. For a start, given the massive girth and low IQ o...
02
Mar
Application for the post of Eskom CEO
-
By
Dear ANC Cadre Deployment Committee,
I can understand you might be reluctant to hire another white man, but let me assure you, I am no André de Ruyter. For a start, I am not as good-looking as he is....