Suffering from terminal holidayitis
One of the biggest drawbacks of being self-employed is that you're never really sure when it is that you're no longer on holiday.
“C'mon! It's the festive season. Let's party!”
“Go home, Ben. It's Mar...
Application for a position at South African Airways
Dear Biggles,
I stumbled across your advert quite literally. I was en route from the kitchen to the veranda with an adult beverage in hand when I tripped over the Sunday papers. The Bad Yellow-Eyed Wo...
Annie Got Her Gun
I wanted to write about the recent dramatic developments on the local government front. I really did. It's got to be worth something, right? Stop me if you've heard this one. The DA, the ACDP, the UDM...
Application for the position of Public Protector
TO: Vhonani Ramaano, Secretary of the Ad Hoc Committee to Nominate a Person for Appointment as Public Protector
FROM: Advocate Ben Trovato
Dear Sir,
I assume you are a sir and not a mad...
A whitey’s guide for darkies
White South Africans, much like white sharks, are one of the most misunderstood animals on the planet. They have a reputation for unpredictable behaviour and non-Caucasians are often afraid to venture...
Real feminists stand by their men
Dear ANC Women's League,
I apologise for addressing you as a league and not as an individual. Women are so much more than mere leagues these days. My non-sexist sensibilities are telling me – well, sh...
President Zuma, you have mail
Greetings, Mosholozi, in the name of our patron saint Machiavelli and all those who follow the holy gospels of perfidy and artifice.
Well done on surviving yet another attack by the running dogs of … ...
Juju and the wrong arm of the law
The Honourable Comrade Julius Malema has been appointed to the Judicial Services Commission. This is not a drill. Women and children first.
When I heard the news, I went into a spin, began drinking h...
The Dirty Dozen 2
We need a fresh approach to politics.
But perhaps not quite as fresh as North Korea’s approach. Last week, Kim Jong-un won the election with 100% of ballots cast in his favour. The man’s popularity ...
Pussies Riot
I have been trying to work out what the Democratic Alliance had in mind when they “marched” on the ANC’s headquarters in Joburg last week.
It wasn’t really a march. Not a proper one. A march for jobs...
An open letter to Julius Malema
Dear Right Honourable Excellency Julius Sello Malema the First, Commander in Chief of the Economic Freedom Fighters, Ruler of all the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of Coloni...
Bring on the tokoloshe
Limpopo is one of those provinces where people believe that sleeping with a vulture’s head in your bed can make you see into the future. You can pick up a head for around R600 from your local muti mer...