ANC runs Durban – into the ground
“Since 1994 the ANC has created close to eight million new jobs.” Who said this?
A pathological liar.
A man recently emerged from a long coma.
Cyril Ramaphosa.
All of the above.
Some ...
Judges and journos are guarding the gates
In some countries, the police are referred to as the “thin blue line” between civilisation and anarchy. Obviously, that doesn't apply in South Africa. For a start, given the massive girth and low IQ o...
Application for the post of Eskom CEO
Dear ANC Cadre Deployment Committee,
I can understand you might be reluctant to hire another white man, but let me assure you, I am no André de Ruyter. For a start, I am not as good-looking as he is....
Dear Julius Malema, Supreme Commander of the Economic Freedom Fighters…
Congratulations on your magnificent performance in the Cape Town City Hall last week. You and your fighters looked good in your well-pressed designer overalls. Unlike the DA, who came dressed as if th...
Zuma – more cunning than linguist
On Saturday I made the terrible mistake of switching to the live stream of Jacob Zuma's so-called “address to the nation”, as touted by his obsequious handlanger, Jimmy Manyi.
It was excruciating w...
Dear Liz Truss…
Congratulations! Not everybody can become the prime minister of Great Britain! Actually, I take that back. Larry the Cat would’ve made a better leader than Boris Johnson.
I’m sure you will agree that...
We’ve got an Ankole in the forex business
I wanted to write about the last nail being hammered into Cyril Ramaphosa's political coffin. Or about a fat, repulsive ex-spook stabbing South Africa in the back, not to put it out of its misery, but...
Armageddon outta here
“We can't pay R25 a litre!” What? Of course we can. In fact, there are far too many of us who can still afford petrol. And that’s the problem.
Let me explain. We all agree that a bad moon is rising a...
Lindiwe and me, sitting in a tree…
How about that Lindiwe Sisulu, eh? Phwoaar. I'd give her one. Wouldn't you?
If our minister of tourism rocked up at your front door wearing a La Perla negligee and seductively fanning herself with a ...
Application for the post of Head of Security: Parliament
Dear Sir or Madam,
I imagine you are a sir and not a madam because things would not have descended to this level if a woman were left in charge, although it must be said that the Speaker is a woman...
The jellysloths and flying snakes of the ANC
How peculiar to live in a country where the only person still capable of being shocked is the president. Not that I am currently in the country. If you've been paying attention, you will know that I a...
ANC deploys weapons of mass distraction
A few days ago I watched a 40-second video posted on Twitter by the Gauteng Department of Roads and Transport. It was titled, “Arrival of hot asphalt.” It came with the hashtag, #SmartMobility and fea...