Smocks cocked with Kurt Darren and Cardinal Pillar
Did you know the word “manifesto” comes from the Greek ‘mani’ meaning ‘shameless’ and ‘festo’ meaning ‘lies’? Of course you did. The word has featured a lot over the last few days and we haven't heard...
Mad skills and dodgy ministers
I was going to write about the cabinet reshuffle but, upon closer reflection, realised that the entire unprincipled affair was uninspiring and unworthy of satirical scrutiny. Not even beer could motiv...
Dear Duduzile Zuma-Sambudla…
Wow! You guys sure can put on some good television! The burning cars! The scurrying looters! I haven't watched anything this exciting since Eugene Terre'Blanche fell off his horse. It's a drama of epi...
A darkies’ guide to whiteys
White South Africans, much like white sharks, are one of the most misunderstood animals on the planet. They have a reputation for unpredictable behaviour and non-Caucasians are often afraid to venture...
Bored in the RSA
I am starting to get the feeling this government might not think we're all that bright. I can understand where it comes from, I suppose, this notion that South Africans are morons. I can almost hear t...
RIP FW LMFAO
Now seems like a good a time as any to republish my February 2020 letter to FW de Klerk....
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Dear FW,
Congratulations on officially achieving the rank of Most Hated Man in South Africa....
Municipal mayhem
There are few six-syllable words in the English language that fill one with more dread and loathing than the word 'municipality'. Not in every country, obviously. It might seem hard to believe, but th...
A requiem for Gavin Watson
The news that one of South Africa's best loved white-collar criminals has died in a car crash reminded me of a letter I wrote to him and his brothers earlier this year.
...............
Dear Gavi...
Losers, weepers
Today, 367 years ago, Jan van Riebeeck arrived in Table Bay and shouted, “Finders, keepers!” And that’s why it became known as Founders Day.
Alhough
the Khoikhoi and San were taking decisions by co...
A final letter to Msholozi
Dear President Zuma,
I have become accustomed to congratulating you on one or other of your remarkable successes – whether it be state capture or simply the acquisition of a fresh wife – and it grieve...
Of Mr Feelfokkol and other rats
I got an sms from Standard Bank yesterday. They were very excited to tell me that my Gold Card is my ticket into some kind of draw where I could be selected as a contestant to play the bank's new tele...
Dear Ancestors …
In times of great misfortune and uncertainty it is an African tradition to consult your ancestors and ask them to show you the way forward.
In the time of Zuma we have had misfortune in spades. These ...