Application for the post of Eskom CEO
Dear ANC Cadre Deployment Committee,
I can understand you might be reluctant to hire another white man, but let me assure you, I am no André de Ruyter. For a start, I am not as good-looking as he is....
South Africa: Forward to the Past
After yet another wretched night without power, I bought an ounce of criminally overpriced data and turned to the internet for help. Dignitas seemed the most effective solution, but my bank balance sa...
The Kraken wakes as the government snoozes
So the new year is off to a cracking start. Someone tried to assassinate the head of the University of Fort Hare, there's less electricity than ever before, and it turns out that André de Ruyter's mor...
More mayhem at Megatwatt Park
The thought of once again writing about Eskom makes me want to rip out my eyeballs and run naked down the N2. I have been lashing out at this failed cartel since 2008.
People speak of the terror of s...
Armageddon outta here
“We can't pay R25 a litre!” What? Of course we can. In fact, there are far too many of us who can still afford petrol. And that’s the problem.
Let me explain. We all agree that a bad moon is rising a...
When days are dark … call Alfred
A tweet came through from Eskom on Sunday afternoon. It said: “Just Energy Transition – Re-invigorating, rejuvenating, and redefining Eskom’s destiny as we lead the energy transition into the future. ...
Happy Halloween, you filthy pagans
It's Halloween tonight and I, for one, cannot wait to put on my succubus suit and go creeping around the neighbourhood late at night banging on doors, shouting: “Trick or treat!” The real sport starts...
The watts and volts of making easy money
When I was growing up, nobody told me the only way to get rich is to make things that people needed. Or, better yet, hire other people to make them. Were my parents too busy to point this out? How did...
The light at the end of the tunnel has gone out
I was on deadline when an Eskom attack dog was unleashed on Twitter, snarling that stage 4 load shedding was imminent and anyone who had a problem could meet him outside in the parking lot. Like cance...
Hello darkness, my old friend
If our capacity to believe anything hadn't already been terminally blunted, we might find it hard to believe that load shedding is back again. Here's a piece I wrote eight months ago. Plus ça change, ...
Cut & Run
The only power Eskom has is the power to unite South Africans against a common enemy. That's quite an achievement. Read more in today's column in The Citizen. If you can't find a copy, you can always ...
Shedding loads and spreading lies
Eskom has been fucking with us for years and there's no end in sight. Here's a letter I wrote to the boss of the power utility in 2011. This was before the Guptas even got their claws into it.
&nbs...