No sex please, we’re Zulus
God save the king. Somebody has to. Save him from himself, I mean. Perhaps what I should say is, God save us from the king.
King Goodwill Zwelithini is no stranger to controversy, although I doubt ...
RIP FW LMFAO
Now seems like a good a time as any to republish my February 2020 letter to FW de Klerk....
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Dear FW,
Congratulations on officially achieving the rank of Most Hated Man in South Africa....
Apartheid? Ah, the good old days
The good thing about the Internet is also the bad thing. Everyone is pretty much free to spread as much love and hate as they wish. Occasionally I find myself a member of a Facebook group which I have...
Don Jr and the Beach Boys are killing it
Dear Safari Club International,
I just wanted to wish you well for your annual trophy hunting bonanza that kicked off in Reno, Nevada, today.
Thousands of hunters from around the world are there...
Patrice Motsepe – The Art of the Schmooze
I have only just stopped gagging at the sight of Patrice Motsepe giving Donald Trump a fondle in full view of everyone at a World Economic Forum dinner in Davos.
It was like watching a porno where ...
One crocodile, one bullet
Dear CapeNature,
During the December holidays you gave permission to a farmer to shoot a crocodile. Well done. If there is anything this country needs, it's fewer crocodiles. Any animal with that m...
Woolworths gets fresh meat
News that the CEO of Woolworths has resigned reminded me of this column I wrote a couple of months ago.
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Poor Ian Moir. Who? That's what I thought, too. Apparently he...
You can’t burn a wet dugong
Dear Sasol,
Congratulations on your decision to go ahead and drill test wells on the outskirts of the Bazaruto Archipelago National Park. I have seen photographs of the area and, quite frankly, it ...
A Survival Guide to New Year’s Eve
I have felt uncomfortable about making a big thing out of December 31 ever since discovering that our calendar was introduced by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582. The Catholics have done some truly appalling...
The hive mind is braindead
Google thought it might be a fun idea to let the world know the top ten things people in different countries have searched for over the past year. Well, it wasn't. It was a terrible idea. It might be ...
Mayhem and merriment at the mall
All that is preventing hostilities from breaking out in shopping mall parking lots across the country are the Congolese and Rwandan car guards. They have seen some terrible things, and I'm not even ta...
A letter to the ‘General’
Dear Harry Knoesen,
I know you can't see me, but I have just saluted you in proper military fashion. Because I don't have a beret, boshoed or staaldak, I have a tea cosy on my head. Not ideal, I kn...