Rage against the naaiing of the lighties
After hearing about the Matric Rage going down this weekend, I knew right away I had to be part of it.
When I finished school, we didn’t have such a thing. On the last day of school, our teachers g...
A survival guide to Black Friday
It's that time of year when we all turn into gibbering idiots and experts take it upon themselves to advise us on the blindingly obvious. In the event of a thunderstorm, avoid standing in an open fiel...
Buy buy baby
Hark, the Christmas tills do ring. The season of giving, taking, looting, stabbing and shooting is almost upon us. The Little Drummer Boy has already driven me from at least two malls.
All you can ...
The dark side of change
It’s unlikely I was the only one suffering from a minor medical emergency last Sunday. Having tried all the regular remedies – aspirin, fried food, suicide – I dragged my shattered carcass off to the ...
Get your Durban Poison here!
I promised that my new book would be available on my website and, lo, it has come to pass. Praise be.
I'm happy to devalue your copy by scribbling something in it. If you want it inscribed to someo...
Boks, beer and a brand new book
Right. It's the day after the big win and I know how you are feeling. But you're in luck. I happen to have the perfect cure for a crushing hangover. It's my new book, Durban Poison, and it will help t...
Officially opposed to the official opposition
So Mmusi Maimane has, with rat-like cunning, jumped ship and left his party floundering like a stranded snoek. We knew this was coming the moment he held Herman Mashaba's hand aloft and declared the f...
Hello darkness, my old friend
If our capacity to believe anything hadn't already been terminally blunted, we might find it hard to believe that load shedding is back again. Here's a piece I wrote eight months ago. Plus ça change, ...
Municipal mayhem
There are few six-syllable words in the English language that fill one with more dread and loathing than the word 'municipality'. Not in every country, obviously. It might seem hard to believe, but th...
Invited to protest? Don’t forget to RSVP.
Ted arrived at my house at 6am on Sunday with a garbage bag full of bleeding meat and seven cases of beer. “I’m here for the braai,” he said. I explained that there was no braai, grabbed two six packs...
The importance of beeing
Did you know that it's World Bee Day today? Do you even care? Of course not. You only care about yourself. Here's something I wrote about the little fuckers when they won some or other award.
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Coming soon to a scream near you
Anyone who knows me or has read my 'work' will also know that if I am to be found somewhere, it's unlikely to be in the bush shooting animals in the face for sport.
So you can imagine my surprise w...