Martial bliss
The Malemas of Seshego and the Hofmeyrs of Pretoria are delighted to announce the marriage of their sons, Julius and Steve.
Ways to leave your lover (without going to jail)
It is not uncommon for a man to find himself in a situation where he has to get rid of a wife or girlfriend at short notice. There are several ways of accomplishing this. Personally, however, I wouldn...
Speed up or die
Happy International Day of the Older Person.
It's not today. It was sometime earlier in the week. I forget when, exactly. Wednesday, I think. Not being able to remember stuff is one of the side effec...
Poaching Private Rhino
"Reports received that SA #rhino poaching kingpin Hugo Ras has been sentenced to 29 years in jail today for fraud, theft & illegal possession of firearms." – Oxpeckers Center, 18 May 2021.
If t...
No woman, no slaai
The loss of life today is going to be quite spectacular, even by South African standards.
Thousands of pigs, sheep, goats, cows and chickens are right now fighting among themselves for the honour o...
Just another bank robbery
I'm good at handling money in much the same way that Oscar Pistorius is good at handling guns. But at least nobody dies as a result of my negligence. Well, I probably will, but that's my own damn faul...
Bravely entering virgin territory
I knew this assignment was going to be different the moment I got the call. “How would you like to join the King of the Zulus in ogling thirty thousand topless virgins?” I was packed in under ...
Bravely entering virgin territory
I knew this assignment was going to be different the moment I got the call. “How would you like to join the King of the Zulus in ogling thirty thousand topless virgins?” I was packed in under ...
A couple of sad anniversaries
Today, two years ago, my mom died. In the highly unlikely event that heaven exists, I hope she's out there raising hell.
And twenty-five years ago, a comrade from my Namibia days was...
The bandersnatches are on their way
We have finally overtaken Britain as the world’s foremost nation in whining and complaining.
Crime is too high. Standards are too low. Sex is too fast. Service is too slow. I hate my job. I ...
Beavers and headbutts
Last week I decided the mind was a lost cause, but the body was still in with a fighting chance. Acting on the assumption that transformation shouldn’t take more than one edition of Men’s Health, I pu...
Fat is the new thin
My mother always emphasised the importance of developing the mind. “Be careful what you put in it,” she would say. From a young age, it was my second favourite organ – of course I was going to...