An evil game of snakes and adders
I caught a snake on my eleventh birthday. Not one of those scary big-ass mothers that can squeeze you to death and swallow you whole. I didn't grow up in the Amazon jungle, even though my table manner...
Trannies without fannies
Men don’t really know how to celebrate Women’s Day without running the risk of being called patronising or sexist. All we can do, really, is dress up as a woman and feel what it’s like to walk in thei...
A letter to God
Dear God,
Sorry to bother you while you’re on holiday. I just felt like getting some stuff off my chest. I’m sure your in-box is stuffed with requests, complaints and demands going back hundreds of y...
Avoiding the matriarchal monsoon
The Mother City is a terrible place for a man to be during Women’s Month. Whenever it rains, the gutters run pink with oestrogen and the bars fill up with jackbooted lesbians. And there are still thre...
Of vigilantes and jogging
I find it difficult to focus on any one particular subject this week. For that, I blame the early onset of a mid-life crisis, Vladimir Putin, Israel, Facebook, Twitter and Windhoek lager.
My weekly d...
Mother of all reviews
Incognito: A Breathless Read for All the Right Reasons
Writing vigorous material is not easy. And documenting a life from within a first person perspective can be a pit o...
A complex problem
The gates to the complex had jammed shut and the residents were getting jumpy. People were late for work and I was late for a surf. Through the trees, beyond the electrified fence, I could see the oce...
Lotto for the literate
A lot of people are asking me how they can get hold of my latest book without actually paying money for it. That’s just how they roll.
One of the ways is to enter a competition being run by the publi...
A letter to King Goodwill Zwelithini
Dear Comrade King,
You, sir, are a true king. You are not only the king of the Zulus, but you are also king of the land claims.
While everyone else is pussyfooting around, demanding a farm here or a...
I have a bream …
I find it best not to move around too much in winter. Body heat and energy need to be conserved at all costs. Expeditions from my desk to the kitchen are fraught with danger. There’s a reason you don’...
High times in Hound City
I had my 21st birthday party at a club in Durban. I hired it for the night. It was dangerously cheap. I don’t remember the name. It was down a side street deep in the noxious belly of the beast. It wa...
Big or small – we kill ’em all
Hunters like Melissa Bachman and Kendall Jones are way braver than I am.
For a start, I wouldn’t dare go on a canned lion hunt because those lions are drugged and you don’t know what a lion on drugs ...