A tale of two laptops … it was the worst of times
Late at night, when the traffic has died down and the children have been switched off, if you listen very carefully you can hear the sound of slavering. It's the sound of more than 60 000 prospective ...
ANC deploys weapons of mass distraction
A few days ago I watched a 40-second video posted on Twitter by the Gauteng Department of Roads and Transport. It was titled, “Arrival of hot asphalt.” It came with the hashtag, #SmartMobility and fea...
If you have to breed, please don’t fly
There's nothing like air travel to reinforce the notion that hell is other people. And it's all so much worse if they have recently spawned. If adults carried on like children, we'd be locked up. Ther...
Smocks cocked with Kurt Darren and Cardinal Pillar
Did you know the word “manifesto” comes from the Greek ‘mani’ meaning ‘shameless’ and ‘festo’ meaning ‘lies’? Of course you did. The word has featured a lot over the last few days and we haven't heard...
What do you mean I’m going to die?
I've been doing a bit of adulting and I must say it's heavily overrated. It started when I saw a doctor for a minor complaint and she began pointing out the importance of taking proper care of one's b...
The Treasury extends a medium rare invitation to us steakholders
It's not often that the ANC government invites the walking class to do anything other than vote for it, so my curiosity was piqued when I saw a story that began, “National Treasury has invited the pub...
Leopards on special this week: Get ’em while they’re fresh!
Dear Brian Roodt, Owner of Quality Hunting Safaris, Purveyor of Fine Animals,
I read in the Sunday Mirror that you have rhinos and leopards on special. That's fantastic news. There's a special on b...
Zero tolerance for zero alcohol
It was the headline that snagged my attention.
“Turn coffee breaks into beer breaks on National Take a Beer to Work Day”. What? Had I just woken from a coma and it's 2071? Had South Africa finally tu...
Dear Governor of Texas, Greg Abbott…
Congratulations on your new law that comes into effect today banning women from having an abortion after six weeks of pregnancy! It's being hailed as the most extreme abortion ban in the whole of Amer...
Dear Taliban…
Congratulations on your magnificent victory against the infidel dogs. It's not every army that can take over an entire country without firing a shot. If Hitler had used you guys, we'd all be speaking ...
Vaccines are dividing us – and not a moment too soon
One of the more positive spinoffs of the uncivil war between the vaccinated and the anti-vaxxers is that we as a species are being divided. If ever wedges needed to be driven, it's between friends and...
Mad skills and dodgy ministers
I was going to write about the cabinet reshuffle but, upon closer reflection, realised that the entire unprincipled affair was uninspiring and unworthy of satirical scrutiny. Not even beer could motiv...