The subscriber you have dialled has detonated
I got a message from MTN today letting me know that I was due for a phone upgrade. My eyes filled with tears. It has taken me two years to work out a fraction of my current phone's functions. Why why ...
Better read than dead
Remember my Sunday Times column The Whipping Boy? Of course you do. Did you ever buy the book of the same name? Of course you didn't. But now you can. It's one of six of my books currently available a...
How not to score a birdie
In the interests of balance and gender equality, it's only right that I reproduce my letter to Tiger's ex-wife Elin Nordegren. After this, I will never mention Tiger Woods or his family ever again, I ...
Mea culpa, you a golfer
So, anyway. In February 2010, three months after I wrote my letter to Tiger Woods, he issued a televised statement apologising for his behaviour. I'm not saying this was in response to my letter, but ...
Golfing For Rats
“Tiger Woods says he's "blessed" to be back after winning his first PGA Tour event in over five years, following a long and painful return to form from a back injury.” – news report.
But it was thi...
Happy Heritage Day
I am fascinated by the cultural differences that exist in this great country of ours. When I’m not busy being fascinated, it’s all I can do not to pack a bag, grab my passport and head for the nearest...
Jaws Truly
“Four large sharks have been killed in Australia after a woman and a girl were attacked at a popular Great Barrier Reef tourist spot.” – news report
Drum lines, which use baited hooks to catch the ...
Thank you. Ngiyabonga. Mahalo.
Before the weekend gets underway and everything goes to hell in a handbasket, I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who has contributed to my fun-raising campaign. You're very generous and are ab...
Howzit!
Welcome to my shiny new website! Is there anyone out there? Just nod if you can hear me.
It's a bit of a bare-bones site at the moment but in the coming weeks I hope to tart it up and offer more co...
There’s gold in them thar seminars
It might just be because I'm freshly unemployed and the algorithms are sensing my fear, but I have started noticing more and more Facebook ads from people who have a burning, selfless desire to make u...
Release the tapeworm, not the tape
Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes.
No, I haven't had a stroke, although if I were to have one my first choice would be for it to happen right now on a Sunday night. Apart from waking up dead, I can't t...
A letter to the American President
Dear President Trump,
Thank you so much for your recent tweet in which you threatened to invade my country if the government didn't stop killing all our white farmers and stealing their land. I liv...