Another bunch of big hunts
We're coming to that time of year when everyone should spare a thought for the animals.
With the holidays approaching, the roads will soon be jammed with people rushing to their destinations. Many of...
An open letter to our fearless leader
Dear Comrade Dr Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma the First, President of the Republic of South Africa, Head of the Household, Defender of the Faith, Pastor of the Flock, Defeater of the Mbeki, Unifier of the...
Hairy lips, healthy balls
You know who else liked moustaches? I'll tell you. Hitler. Stalin. Saddam. Gaddafi. Mussolini. That's who. And here we are, being bullied into growing fanny dusters fit only for tyrants. Movember my a...
Rent boy goes west
Mosquitoes have begun sending out the recces early this year. They're coming in at high altitude late at night – not in packs, but in pairs. They split up once they've gained entrance to the bedroom. ...
Trick or tweet
It's Halloween tonight and I, for one, cannot wait to put on my succubus suit and go creeping around the neighbourhood late at night banging on doors, shouting: “Trick or treat!” The real sport starts...
To Cde Blade Nzimande – Minister of Higher Education
Here's a letter I wrote to old pineapple face in 2009.
Dear Comrade Blade,
How dare these scoundrels accuse you of betraying the revolution simply because you ordered a car worth R1.1-millio...
Crafting a new revolution
There is so much to write about this week. The crisis at the country's universities. Oscar Pistorius' release into controlled captivity. Britain's unseemly fawning over the president of one of the wor...
Maid in South Africa
The exchange of labour for money is the greatest confidence trick since some dude called Abraham duped his slave into paying for his own circumcision. I don't know the finer details but apparently it'...
Of art, life and fuckbois
I don't usually do this sort of thing. "What sort of thing?" I hear you ask anxiously. Well, if you just sit the fuck down and shut up for a second, I'll tell you.
I rarely write unless I'm paid to d...
Guns don’t kill people. Arseholes kill people.
Don't get me wrong. You won't catch me hugging any bunnies, but that's largely because I'm afraid of them. It's not funny. Leporiphobia is a real thing. I don't come around to your house and laugh at ...
White male gets blackmailed
Someone is trying to blackmail me and, quite frankly, I'm delighted. I consider it an honour and it shall become the latest addition to my heavily embellished curriculum vitae.
The blackmailers call ...
Dear Saudi Arabia
Congratulations on your decision to kill the Shiite boy who goes by the name Ali Mohammed al-Nimr. Teenagers are dreadful at the best of times, what with their sighing and eye-rolling and endless dema...