Shooting the breeze … and the boss
An internal survey has found that 65% of cops don't look forward to going to work in the morning. This means the 35% who do enjoy the job are the ones collecting protection money, soliciting bribes an...
We’ve got an Ankole in the forex business
I wanted to write about the last nail being hammered into Cyril Ramaphosa's political coffin. Or about a fat, repulsive ex-spook stabbing South Africa in the back, not to put it out of its misery, but...
The jellysloths and flying snakes of the ANC
How peculiar to live in a country where the only person still capable of being shocked is the president. Not that I am currently in the country. If you've been paying attention, you will know that I a...
Dear Comrade President Cyril Ramaphosa the First…
Well done on reminding us that members of parliament are people, too. Real people with real feelings. If you tickle them, do they not laugh? If you cut them, do they not bleed? If you pay them R100 00...
No safe harbour for Gigaba – a flashback
Here's a letter I wrote to the man of the moment two-and-a-half years ago after Ajay Gupta gave him the home affairs ministry.
........................................
Dear Comrade Malusi Gigaba...
Bored in the RSA
I am starting to get the feeling this government might not think we're all that bright. I can understand where it comes from, I suppose, this notion that South Africans are morons. I can almost hear t...
Dear Cyril …
Dear Comrade President Ramaphosa, Defender of the Lockdown, Punisher of the Pandemic, Destroyer of the Economy, Nemesis of Smokers and Drinkers.
May I call you Cyril? I don't mean to be overfamilia...
The dark side of change
It’s unlikely I was the only one suffering from a minor medical emergency last Sunday. Having tried all the regular remedies – aspirin, fried food, suicide – I dragged my shattered carcass off to the ...
What would Jesus say?
There's an Anglican church near me that often advertises upcoming events – cage fighting, mud wrestling, Russian roulette and so on. This week there's a banner promising an upcoming series of sermons ...
How maths ruined my life
I was appalled
to hear that President Ramaphosa had bestowed a national order on none other
than William Smith, a man with a mastery of a subject that is beyond inhumane.
It was like hearing that the ...
No safe harbour for Gigaba
Dear Comrade Malusi Gigaba, Honourable Upstanding Member, Minister of Affairs, Fighter of Tourism, Epitome of Sartorial Elegance.
Congratulations on your spectacular cinematic debut, even though it...
A final letter to Msholozi
Dear President Zuma,
I have become accustomed to congratulating you on one or other of your remarkable successes – whether it be state capture or simply the acquisition of a fresh wife – and it grieve...