Cheers to Viking berserkers
My column for Wednesday, 19 August, is out.
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Latest news from the ‘Just When You Thought It Couldn’t Get Any Weirder’ department.
Beaches across South Africa were opened to the public today. In Cape Town, people swam in the sea. Not for very long, obviously, or they'd die of hypothermia.
In Durban ... ay, my bru. Durban ekse....
A letter to Ace
This week's column. You know what to do.
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Wednesday is Ben’s Day
I know somebody who knows somebody who recently adopted a baby in her fifties. The woman, not the baby. Although it must be said that Donald Trump has shown it's quite possible to be a baby well into ...
Get yer Durban Poison here
That bastard pandemic interrupted the distribution of my last book, Durban Poison, but even though it's now out of print, you can still get a copy as an e-book for a ridiculous price right here: https...
The art of applying for a job – #2
Here is #2 in my helpful series on what the ideal job application should look like.
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To Gold Fields for the position of Senior Metallurgist
Dear Sir or Madam,
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Buy the ticket, take the ride
Dear SANParks,
I hear you are looking for people to help you kill some animals. Well, look no further. I am your man. This filthy pandemic, and our government's unhinged response to it, has made me...
5 ways to get the perfect pandemic body
Lockdown has gnawed away at my fitness levels and I need to remedy this in case we become a proper police state. I don't want to have Cele's boys after me and find myself having to stop every couple o...
That time I did my bit for Mandela Day
My contribution to Mandela Day 2022 is to repost this column I wrote a few years ago at a time when state hospitals were on their way to becoming full-blown disaster zones.
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Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of Scotch, say the pie rats
Hello. My name is Ben, and I am an addict.
Ever since the government unbanned the sale and possession of hot pies, I have been roaming the streets looking to score. I can't get enough of them. No s...
Scaring the nation with their guns & ammunition
I was surprised to hear that police in America kill roughly a thousand people a year. Not very impressive for a country that size. Here, our police get through that many in a month. Okay, I'm exaggera...
June goes well with alcohol
I cannot bring myself to write another column about the only thing people are writing columns about. How much more can be said about a virus, a lockdown or a government that ... I can't. I just can't....