If you have to breed, please don’t fly
There's nothing like air travel to reinforce the notion that hell is other people. And it's all so much worse if they have recently spawned. If adults carried on like children, we'd be locked up. Ther...
Smocks cocked with Kurt Darren and Cardinal Pillar
Did you know the word “manifesto” comes from the Greek ‘mani’ meaning ‘shameless’ and ‘festo’ meaning ‘lies’? Of course you did. The word has featured a lot over the last few days and we haven't heard...
What do you mean I’m going to die?
I've been doing a bit of adulting and I must say it's heavily overrated. It started when I saw a doctor for a minor complaint and she began pointing out the importance of taking proper care of one's b...
The Treasury extends a medium rare invitation to us steakholders
It's not often that the ANC government invites the walking class to do anything other than vote for it, so my curiosity was piqued when I saw a story that began, “National Treasury has invited the pub...
Zero tolerance for zero alcohol
It was the headline that snagged my attention.
“Turn coffee breaks into beer breaks on National Take a Beer to Work Day”. What? Had I just woken from a coma and it's 2071? Had South Africa finally tu...
Dear Governor of Texas, Greg Abbott…
Congratulations on your new law that comes into effect today banning women from having an abortion after six weeks of pregnancy! It's being hailed as the most extreme abortion ban in the whole of Amer...
Dear Taliban…
Congratulations on your magnificent victory against the infidel dogs. It's not every army that can take over an entire country without firing a shot. If Hitler had used you guys, we'd all be speaking ...
Vaccines are dividing us – and not a moment too soon
One of the more positive spinoffs of the uncivil war between the vaccinated and the anti-vaxxers is that we as a species are being divided. If ever wedges needed to be driven, it's between friends and...
Mad skills and dodgy ministers
I was going to write about the cabinet reshuffle but, upon closer reflection, realised that the entire unprincipled affair was uninspiring and unworthy of satirical scrutiny. Not even beer could motiv...
Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula’s charmed and chequered political life
Comrade Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula has served in the executive for almost 20 years, kicking off as minister of home affairs, then moving to correctional services and, finally, defence, where she remained...
Convincing anti-vaxxers to get shot
A small herd of well-heeled anti-vaxxers and middle-aged men who took too much acid when they were young flounced down the Sea Point promenade on Saturday, mewling and whining and waving their silly l...
Well, that was a weird attempted coup
Halfway decent insurrectionists generally target government facilities and take over the state broadcaster. Ours targeted Shoprite and took over the bottle stores. Also, coup plotters usually rely on ...