New Zealand – Mordor or the Shire?
Perusing that tiny portion of the internet not devoted to genitalia and cats, I came across a site called New Zealand Expert. This, apparently, was “my key to becoming a Kiwi”. I hate it when people p...
No safe harbour for Gigaba – a flashback
Here's a letter I wrote to the man of the moment two-and-a-half years ago after Ajay Gupta gave him the home affairs ministry.
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Dear Comrade Malusi Gigaba...
Horsing around with drugs
It's occurred to me lately that drug-taking no longer has the stigma it once had. Drugs have become like, I don't know, badminton. There was a time when you would avoid people who played badminton for...
Dear Jeff Bezos …
Dear Mr Bezos,
That sounds awfully stiff and formal. Do you mind if I call you Jeffrey? Or Jeff? I'm sure you don't. You are nothing if not a man of the people. Besides, we have so much in common t...
A darkies’ guide to whiteys
White South Africans, much like white sharks, are one of the most misunderstood animals on the planet. They have a reputation for unpredictable behaviour and non-Caucasians are often afraid to venture...
Orcas, Putin and the real Godzille
This pandemic malarkey is starting to get old. It's all a bit 2020, really. Lockdown, schmockdown, right? Been there, done that. I mean, let's be honest. When last were you shocked by any of the Covid...
Losers, weepers
Today, 369 years ago, Jan van Riebeeck arrived in Table Bay and shouted, “Finders, keepers!” And that’s why it became known as Founders Day.
Alhough the Khoikhoi and San were taking decisions by co...
Rush to join the Memorable Order of Tinfoil Hats
It's astounding how much this so-called pandemic has revealed about the way people behave during a crisis. The compassion. The solidarity. The gibbering, eye-bubbling lunacy.
I watched a clip of mo...
No more pura vida
My holiday in Costa Rica is over and I am on my way home. Three months have flown by in the blink of a fish on a bicycle. Since the concept of time has become meaningless, feel free to make up your ow...
The king is dead … long live the king!
News that the King of the Zulu nation died on Friday reminded me of the correspondence Goodwill Zwelithini and I enjoyed over the years. Well, I enjoyed it. Also, it was very much a one-sided affair. ...
Nursery crimes and other filth
The news this week that publication and sales of six Dr Seuss books will be discontinued because of imagery now deemed to be "racist and insensitive" reminded me of something I once wrote.
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Bathtime for ballies
These social media algorithms, man. Disturbingly out of whack. Then again, what isn't these days?
An advert popped up on my feed the other day. I hate that this kind of talk is considered normal. Pop...