Jabless in Central America
I would like to know where my bloody vaccine is. I check my email every day and still no invitation from the government. Am I not vulnerable enough? Does my demographic not exist in sufficiently large...
An open letter to Carl Knight – last of the great white hunters
Dear Carl Knight,
When I got wind of your courageous exploits, I felt I had to congratulate you. For a start, you are British. We adore the British – they are our second favourite colonialists. The...
Warning: Outbreak of mass stupidity – contagious
I recently broke one of my cardinal rules, which is unusual because I don't believe in rules, let alone cardinals. It wasn't the “don't drink tequila and suggest marriage” rule. That one, I don't brea...
The breast and worst of Valentine’s Day
A flashback...
…........
Most women, on Valentine's Day, are quite happy to wake up and find a couple of hundred bucks on the bedside table. But not Brenda. Oh, no. She woke up and said she felt lik...
Dear Jacob Zuma
I never thought I would write you another letter, and yet here we are again.
It is truly sad to see an innocent old man being so unjustly hounded by judges, magistrates, prosecutors, non-government...
Let the vax speak for themselves
The global scramble for Covid vaccines is becoming a little undignified. Show some class, people. Let's try to keep this fight clean.
Right now, vaccines are all anyone seems to care about. Well, t...
Golfing with twats
News that Gary Player has accepted the Medal of Freedom from his scumbag mate Donald Trump reminded me of a column I wrote 15 years ago.
.....................
Writing a book about golf has broug...
Getting high in Central America
A clammy equatorial fug hit me as I sloped out of Juan Santamaria International Airport with the ink of a three-month visa still wet in my passport. Fug this, I thought. Worse than Durban in February....
A guide to surviving New Year’s Eve
Here's something I wrote in happier times, when we were still allowed to drink and go out at night.
............................
I have felt uncomfortable about making a huge thing out of December 3...
Home for the holidays
Since we're all relying heavily on memories and reminisces to stop us from reaching for the razor blades, here's a flashback to a Christmas past.
...........
Home for the holidays. It sounds like su...
Cuervo, cane rats and couches
It's the nights that are the killers. What to do when the sun goes down. There is only so much beer the human stomach can accommodate before exploding.
I am divorced and the child is grown. The dre...
To the Class of 2020
What an exciting time to be venturing out into the world! It's not every generation that gets to begin life's journey in the middle of a pandemic. Such a story to tell your children. Assuming you surv...