Mall makes Blood River look like a picnic
Today, 180 years ago, the Voortrekkers defeated the Zulus at the Battle of Blood River.
And in 180 minutes from now, the Boers and the Zulus will join forces to defeat me at the Battle of Gateway S...
Jingle Hells
School holidays should be abolished.
Our creaking infrastructure and shattered nerves can no longer withstand the blitzkrieg of semi-educated savages at the end of every year. There should be new r...
Relax, officer
’Tis almost the season to be jolly. Jolly careful. There are people out there determined to get us locked up over the festive season. Family, for a start. There’s always one asshole relative who insis...
An open letter to the president of Egypt #LegsMustFall
Dear President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi,
Well done on your impeccable taste in chief prosecutors. When your top man decided to put that brazen hussy Rania Youssef on trial, I threw a spontaneous Egypti...
Shedding loads and spreading lies
Eskom has been fucking with us for years and there's no end in sight. Here's a letter I wrote to the boss of the power utility in 2011. This was before the Guptas even got their claws into it.
&nbs...
The art of venturing into personal space
American astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson issued a statement yesterday in response to several accusations of sexual misconduct.
Referring to a 2009 incident in which a woman accused him of gropin...
Rage, rage against the partying of the lighties
After hearing about the Matric Rage going down this weekend, I knew right away I had to be part of it. When I finished school, we didn’t have such a thing. On the last day of school, our teachers gave...
Get insurance against the insurers
Dear Comrade Johann Le Roux, CEO of Momentum Life.
Congratulations on steadfastly refusing to fork out R2.4-million to the widow of that 42-year-old Durban man who died while trying to protect his ...
It’s all fun and games until …
Since I posted my column about Herzlia Middle School in Cape Town threatening disciplinary action against two students who “took a knee” in protest at the playing of the Israeli national anthem, I hav...
We live in testing times
My wallet containing a credit card, driver’s licence, R12.50 and a small but well-behaved family of weevils has mysteriously vanished into a black hole. I made the money back by dressing up in a monke...
No safe harbour for Gigaba
Dear Comrade Malusi Gigaba, Honourable Upstanding Member, Minister of Affairs, Fighter of Tourism, Epitome of Sartorial Elegance.
Congratulations on your spectacular cinematic debut, even though it...
Every night is fright night
It is Halloween on Wednesday and I, for one, cannot wait to put on my succubus suit and go creeping around the neighbourhood late at night banging on doors, shouting: “Trick or treat!”
The real spo...