The Art of Survival – Hangovers
Men in white coats tell us that hangovers are caused by the excessive intake of alcohol. Funny, then, how it was men in white coats saying things like, “Can I get you another?” that led to all the tro...
Pope Benedict – In Memoriam
Pope Benedict XVI has died at the age of 95. As a tribute, I republish a letter I wrote to him in 2013.
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Dear Comrade Benedict,
Your resignation has tak...
Still no Jesus among Christmas babies
I like to think of this week as the year's perineum. In 2023 we're either going to hit the sweet spot or find ourselves even deeper in the … okay, that's about as far as I'm going with that particular...
Xmas shopping for the cheapskates and the drunk
It’s that time of year when the ravening dogs of capitalism are out of the cages and straining at their leashes. Their eyes are red and wet and their foam-flecked jaws snap and slaver. Soon they will ...
A letter to the president
Dear Comrade Cyril,
Congratulations/condolences on recent developments in the Phala Phala clusterfuck. Things are moving fast and there's no way of telling whether you'll be president, jobless or on ...
An idiot’s guide to the rules of soccer
A lot of people don’t understand soccer. And by people, I mean women. At some point during the next couple of weeks, your husband, boyfriend, brother or father will insist that you watch at least one ...
A survival guide to Black Friday
It’s that time of year when we all turn into gibbering idiots and experts take it upon themselves to advise us on the blindingly obvious. Like, in the event of a thunderstorm, avoid standi...
Stick to falcons, Qatar
Those poor Qataris. They're paying so much money to be liked. Just not enough, sadly. For a start, you call that an opening ceremony? This is the Soccer World Cup, not some half-arsed attempt to impre...
Panties? I object, my Lord
Dear Sadika Fakir, Chair of the Advertising Regulatory Board,
On behalf of all decent, clean-living South Africans, I want to thank you for the position you and your board took against the shocking p...
World’s most powerful rocket heads to universe’s most boring moon
Nasa's Artemis 1 rocket has blasted off from the Kennedy Space Centre and is on its way to the moon.
I don't understand the fuss. We've already been there. Nasa left a beach buggy there half a centur...
Get yer Durban Poison now
That bastard pandemic interrupted the distribution of my last book, Durban Poison, but even though it's now out of print, you can still get a copy as an e-book for a ridiculous price right here: https...
Forget sportsmanship, let’s riot!
South Africa truly is a sports-crazy country. You might curl your lip and say the word “sports” is superfluous and you'd be right, but I'm trying to be positive here and if you don't like it, write yo...