The Treasury extends a medium rare invitation to us steakholders
It's not often that the ANC government invites the walking class to do anything other than vote for it, so my curiosity was piqued when I saw a story that began, “National Treasury has invited the pub...
Leopards on special this week: Get ’em while they’re fresh!
Dear Brian Roodt, Owner of Quality Hunting Safaris, Purveyor of Fine Animals,
I read in the Sunday Mirror that you have rhinos and leopards on special. That's fantastic news. There's a special on b...
Zero tolerance for zero alcohol
It was the headline that snagged my attention.
“Turn coffee breaks into beer breaks on National Take a Beer to Work Day”. What? Had I just woken from a coma and it's 2071? Had South Africa finally tu...
Dear Taliban…
Congratulations on your magnificent victory against the infidel dogs. It's not every army that can take over an entire country without firing a shot. If Hitler had used you guys, we'd all be speaking ...
Vaccines are dividing us – and not a moment too soon
One of the more positive spinoffs of the uncivil war between the vaccinated and the anti-vaxxers is that we as a species are being divided. If ever wedges needed to be driven, it's between friends and...
Mad skills and dodgy ministers
I was going to write about the cabinet reshuffle but, upon closer reflection, realised that the entire unprincipled affair was uninspiring and unworthy of satirical scrutiny. Not even beer could motiv...
Convincing anti-vaxxers to get shot
A small herd of well-heeled anti-vaxxers and middle-aged men who took too much acid when they were young flounced down the Sea Point promenade on Saturday, mewling and whining and waving their silly l...
Well, that was a weird attempted coup
Halfway decent insurrectionists generally target government facilities and take over the state broadcaster. Ours targeted Shoprite and took over the bottle stores. Also, coup plotters usually rely on ...
Dear Duduzile Zuma-Sambudla…
Wow! You guys sure can put on some good television! The burning cars! The scurrying looters! I haven't watched anything this exciting since Eugene Terre'Blanche fell off his horse. It's a drama of epi...
The watts and volts of making easy money
When I was growing up, nobody told me the only way to get rich is to make things that people needed. Or, better yet, hire other people to make them. Were my parents too busy to point this out? How did...
WHO let the boozehounds out
Dear World Health Organization,
I recently came across your draft global alcohol action plan for 2022-2030 and might I say what a fine piece of work it is too. There was one particular paragraph that...
We’re jabbin’, jabbin’, And I hope you like jabbin’, too
I never expected to hear back from the government after I registered on their vaccine site. I mean, this is the government, right? They only reach out when they want our money, blind trust or vote.
...