Bomb the recession
I have been hearing a lot about something called the “2016 inflation bomb” and, quite frankly, it's starting to worry me. Will it be a barrage of bomblets pounding the price of luxuries like bread, mi...
Dear Eskom …
I hear you want to increase the price of electricity by seventeen percent. Is that all? Why the restraint? I'm sure you are familiar with the expression, “Go big or go home.” Don't hold back, my frien...
Ready, aim, swallow …
Airbnb is a wonderful thing. You can make money simply by not being at home. Well, obviously other people need to be there for the money thing to happen. The downside is that you then have to be somew...
Moron of the week
This Penny Sparrow person says the monkey-people have no education. Unless Penny was raised by wolves – a possibility I haven't entirely discarded – she benefited from a privileged education. She is c...
Jingle Hells
Jesus!
The reason for the season. Happy birthday, dude. You're looking pretty damn good for a 2000-year-old white hippy with a Mexican name. There aren't too many kids born in a stable environment in...
Synergy of the sugar daddies
You know 2016 is going to be a good year when you pick up the morning paper and, splashed across Page 2, is the headline, "Giant luxury development at Sibaya precinct." One wouldn't want to buy the pa...
Another bunch of big hunts
We're coming to that time of year when everyone should spare a thought for the animals.
With the holidays approaching, the roads will soon be jammed with people rushing to their destinations. Many of...
Hairy lips, healthy balls
You know who else liked moustaches? I'll tell you. Hitler. Stalin. Saddam. Gaddafi. Mussolini. That's who. And here we are, being bullied into growing fanny dusters fit only for tyrants. Movember my a...
Trick or tweet
It's Halloween tonight and I, for one, cannot wait to put on my succubus suit and go creeping around the neighbourhood late at night banging on doors, shouting: “Trick or treat!” The real sport starts...
To Cde Blade Nzimande – Minister of Higher Education
Here's a letter I wrote to old pineapple face in 2009.
Dear Comrade Blade,
How dare these scoundrels accuse you of betraying the revolution simply because you ordered a car worth R1.1-millio...
Crafting a new revolution
There is so much to write about this week. The crisis at the country's universities. Oscar Pistorius' release into controlled captivity. Britain's unseemly fawning over the president of one of the wor...
My big fat drunk Greek holiday
Greece is the big story at the moment. Here at home we don't really have big stories any more. Our last one was in 1994.
Instead, we have ill-tempered swarms of loathsome little stories that scurry a...